Leaving the Amish community, known as “jumping the fence,” is a profound and life-altering decision. It’s not simply a change of address or job; it’s a complete reconstruction of reality, identity, and worldview. The journey from a tightly-knit, plain community into the buzzing, technology-driven “English” world is filled with wonder, profound challenges, and a continuous process of learning. So, what happens when you trade a horse and buggy for the internet highway?
1. The Overwhelming Sensory Onslaught
Imagine stepping from a quiet, rural landscape into the heart of a bustling city. The constant noise of traffic, electronics, and media is a profound shock. Bright lights, flashy advertisements, and the sheer pace of modern life can be physically and mentally overwhelming, requiring significant time to adjust and filter.
2. A New Relationship with Time
In many Amish communities, time is governed by the sun, seasons, and communal rhythms. The modern world runs on clocks, deadlines, and digital calendars. Learning to manage this abstract, segmented concept of time for work, appointments, and social life is a fundamental new skill.
3. The Technology Learning Curve
From using a light switch and a phone to navigating computers, the internet, and social media, every piece of technology is new. Basic tasks like online banking, using a GPS, or understanding how a thermostat works require patient learning and can feel like deciphering a foreign language.
4. Navigating a Vast Sea of Choices
Choosing a breakfast cereal, a pair of jeans, or a healthcare plan can be paralyzing. The Amish life offers limited, community-vetted options. The English world presents endless consumer and life path choices, which is liberating but also a source of significant anxiety and decision fatigue.
5. Financial System Navigation
Concepts like credit scores, bank loans, mortgages, and online investing are entirely foreign. Without a financial history or often even a Social Security number at first, establishing economic independence is a major hurdle that requires guidance and trust in unfamiliar institutions.
6. Redefining Community and Social Cues
The tight, lifelong support network is gone. Building new friendships requires understanding subtle social cues, humor, and norms that are not instinctive. The informality and individualism of English society can feel isolating compared to the deep, structured communal bonds left behind.
7. Education and Career Pathways
With typically an 8th-grade education, entering the job market is challenging. Pursuing a GED, vocational training, or higher education opens doors but also means sitting in classrooms with much younger peers and adapting to secular academic environments.
8. A Complicated Relationship with Family
Shunning (Meidung) is a real possibility. Even in less strict situations, family relationships become strained and complex. Visits are often governed by strict rules, and the leaver must navigate profound grief and guilt while maintaining their new path.
9. Exploring Personal Identity and Expression
For the first time, individuals can choose their hairstyle, clothing, music, and hobbies based on personal preference, not Ordnung rules. This exploration of self is exciting but can also lead to periods of confusion and experimentation as one asks, “Who am I, apart from the community?”
10. Healthcare in a Modern System
Moving from community-supported, traditional remedies to a complex system of insurance, co-pays, specialists, and pharmaceuticals is daunting. Understanding preventive care, navigating appointments, and dealing with bureaucratic paperwork is a whole new world.
11. Understanding Government and Civic Life
Interacting with government bodies—from obtaining a driver’s license and paying taxes to understanding the political landscape—requires new knowledge. The concept of being an individual citizen with legal rights and responsibilities is fundamentally different.
12. Managing Freedom and Loneliness
The exhilarating freedom to go, do, and be anything comes with the shadow of loneliness. The weight of total personal responsibility for one’s life choices, without the communal safety net, can be heavy and isolating at times.
13. Cultural Reference Gaps
Pop culture, historical events taught in public schools, and common shared experiences like television shows or music are missing references. This can make casual conversation difficult and reinforce a feeling of being an outsider looking in.
14. Developing Critical Thinking and Individual Beliefs
Faith and worldview, once given and uniform, now become personal. Individuals must critically examine beliefs, ethics, and values on their own, often leading to a spiritual journey that may or may not resemble their upbringing.
15. The Practicalities of Daily Life
Learning to drive a car, operating kitchen appliances, shopping in a supermarket, and living alone or with non-family roommates are all practical hurdles. Each mastered task, however small, represents a victory in independence.
16. Dealing with Curiosity and Stereotypes
New acquaintances may be intensely curious, asking invasive questions or holding romanticized or simplistic stereotypes about Amish life. Learning to set boundaries while educating others is an ongoing social task.
17. Appreciating the Positives of Both Worlds
With time, many find a bittersweet appreciation for the strengths of both cultures—the community, simplicity, and craftsmanship of their past, and the freedom, opportunity, and individuality of their present. Integrating these values becomes a lifelong process.
18. Finding a New Support Network
Connecting with other former Amish through formal networks or informal gatherings becomes crucial. These connections provide irreplaceable understanding, practical advice, and a sense of belonging during the transition.
19. The Emotional Rollercoaster Never Fully Ends
Even years later, milestones like weddings, births, or holidays can trigger deep grief and complex emotions. The journey isn’t linear; it’s a continuous negotiation between the past and the present self.
20. Building a Life of Authentic Choice
Ultimately, life after leaving is about building an authentic life constructed from conscious choices. It’s about taking the resilience and work ethic from one world and applying it to create a meaningful, self-determined existence in another.
